Family Coping Assessment: How Do You Respond to a Loved One's Substance Use?

For: Family members or close others of someone who uses · Takes 2 minutes · Reviewed by Dr. Pichayut Kasempukdeepong (Psychiatrist), 7 September 2026

When someone in the family drinks or uses drugs, every relative has to respond somehow. Some argue and keep watch, some clean up the problems and hand over money to stop things escalating, and some step back to protect their own lives. All of it is done out of love and fear, but research shows that some responses raise family stress without changing the person, while others genuinely help them decide to enter treatment.

This assessment shows your profile across 4 styles. There is no total score and no judgement, only a picture of which style you use most and which ones professionals recommend using more. We suggest taking the family impact assessment first. Everything is calculated on your device. Your answers are not stored or sent anywhere.

Source: An assessment developed by the Day One medical team on the Stress-Strain-Coping-Support framework (Orford et al.) to help families take stock of their situation. It is not a diagnostic tool, and the levels shown are for communication, not clinical criteria.

How Family coping assessment scores are interpreted

This assessment has no total score. Each area is interpreted separately using the ranges below. The result is an initial screen, not a diagnosis.

A. Emotional and controlling

Score	Level and what it means
0–3	Rarely used You rarely confront or try to control them, which protects both the relationship and your own energy.
4–6	Becoming frequent You are reacting emotionally or trying to control them more often. It is understandable when you are frightened and angry, but confrontation and control tend to make them hide more and wear you out faster. Try channelling that energy into a clear conversation at a time when they are not intoxicated.
7–9	Used very often You react emotionally or try to control them almost every time. Research links this style to higher family stress, and it rarely changes their behaviour. Use firm words with a clear position and clear agreements, without emotion, at a time when they are not intoxicated. Our team can help you practise this.

B. Clear and assertive

Score	Level and what it means
0–3	Not yet used much You are not yet talking frankly, setting limits, or seeking help, which is the approach professionals recommend most. Start by choosing a time when they are not intoxicated, state your expectations and agreements calmly, and do not cope alone.
4–6	On the right track You are beginning to use the approach professionals recommend: calm conversations, realistic limits, and getting help. Make it more consistent, and hold the limits you set every time.
7–9	Used very well You use the recommended approach consistently. This is one of the key factors that helps a person decide to enter treatment. It works best when a professional team helps you plan the next steps together.

C. Tolerating and protecting

Score	Level and what it means
0–3	Rarely used You rarely take the consequences for them or cover up the problem, which lets them face the results of their own use. That is hard to do, and you are doing it well.
4–6	Becoming frequent You are making excuses, giving money, or avoiding the problem more often. You do it out of love and fear of losing them, but your help may be enabling them to keep using. Notice the times when your help did not make things better.
7–9	Used very often You take the consequences for them almost every time, out of love and fear of losing them. But shielding them means they never face the results of their use, so the problem drags on. Your help may be enabling them to keep using. Learning to stop protecting without abandoning is a skill that can be practised, and our team can help.

D. Stepping back and looking after yourself

Score	Level and what it means
0–2	Very low You are hardly stepping back to look after yourself at all, which suggests you are helping them to the point of suffering and may be close to your limit. Try to worry about them a little less, help within what you can manage, and give yourself more time, because you need the strength to help them in the long run.
3–6	Well balanced You are balancing caring for them with caring for your own life, letting them own the consequences while you keep your strength and the relationship. This works best alongside clear communication (style B) so they know the door is open when they are ready for treatment.
7–9	Very high You have stepped back almost completely, perhaps from exhaustion or hopelessness, which is understandable. But stepping back to the point of cutting off can let their problem become chronic and escalate. If you have some strength back now, consider turning back to help get them into treatment, without carrying everything yourself. Our team can help plan the steps.